I WATCHED MY BABY SCREAM THIS MORNING

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” Romans 8:25 NKJV

I sat and watched Nomade scream, cry, and ball this morning. His cries rang out in discontent and ping ponged through my head like a banging Church bell as I stared, my lips pursed.

It was a pause. A pause as quick as a breath as my other three children squirmed, jumped, and ran around me. Grabbing things for school that morning. Originally running on time, but now late.

I stared for what felt like hours, his squirming and uncomfortable body letting me know he wasn’t happy.

“If you just… wait a second. I know baby, please.” I pushed out as I stripped him down, gritting my teeth to keep him in place. The bitter cold of the fall morning was biting sharp teeth into his skin, leaving cold itty-bitty fingers and toes and rosy red cheeks despite a soft fluffy blanket he was laying on. But I had a mess to clean up.

If he would just be still…. If he would just be patient…. If he stopped screaming those big crocodile tears that made me want to scoop him up and hold him against me, wiping them away with my fingers, rubbing his back and singing too him to wash away the sadness.

I furrowed my brow in concentration trying to make quick work of it. He had exploded ALL the way up his back, clear to his hairline. I had a nice cozy outfit with clean socks and a new diaper sitting next to him, if he could hold on-for just a moment.... as each cold wipe pushed and cleaned away the mess. 

My body stilled and I held my breath as I watched him cry, soothing coos and light talking or singing coming from my lips of their own accord. In moments like these, God sometimes gets so loud.

How often are we told to be still? The Bible mentions “to be still” or to “wait on the Lord” SEVERAL times throughout the Old and New testaments.

But did you know be still, or wait does not actually mean stop moving and just sit there? In Hebrew it implies becoming one with the Lord, in complete surrender. It originally means to join up with, or bind ourselves with the Lord in complete submission. SO often in "waiting" we are sheep- distracted and become led astray my the selfish desires and misery of this world, we give up because we can't SEE.

In this season, my family has been in a continuous season of waiting. I have mentioned it to my husband, as I turn around and cry out to the Lord, screaming, crying, bawling and squirming. Sound familiar?

Recently I had commented on a post for a video about ADHD, which I was finally diagnosed with a couple years ago now. It was fascinating how much anger people had towards my comment of how having God in my life has changed literally everything. Not too say I don’t struggle….. with overstimulation, with getting myself too do simple tasks, with holding to a schedule... etc. Watching Nomade crying and squirming as I attempted to quickly shove his cold little body into his clothes was a reminder of that…. How often do we squirm and scream at things we can’t control instead of SURRENDERING. How often do we just blame God?

We are so programmed to have blinders and find anger towards each other when we lose control. Instead of opting for letting go. I didn’t get angry or mad at what some of the people were saying…. I got sad…. Because they are missing out on the true joy of the Lord. The true joy of not taking your power back, but surrendering it.

Now back too waiting on the Lord….. especially when we cant see what were waiting for- as I wrangled a squirming Nomade and he was clothed in comfy clothes, he giggled and smiled up at me. I rolled my eyes and looked towards the sky. Ok God.

How often do we sit and complain, gossip, get angry because of waiting or other actions, get mad because your prayers go un answered, lash out at others that don’t understand us, etc. Etc.

If we would just…. Be Still and saturate ourselves in the Lord…. He is saying…. Look…. I have something better!

How often do we need too take responsibility for the mess WE MADE but God is helping clean up? That we may be cold, but Gods light will shine in and threw us, washing, warming, and cleansing away the mess?

Take a moment too look at yourself…. Take a moment to just watch yourself cry, (not literally but metaphorically) take a moment to let go, take a moment to take responsibility, and above all…. Take a moment to surrender too the Lord-to PRAY.

In the waiting…. He WILL have something better, you just need too allow Him too get you dressed first.

Lord, I pray for those reading this, that we can be quick to saturate ourselves in you and surrender our power back too you. To know even our messes you love us enough to clean up and make better. You breathe warmth into us in the cold, and for this we thank you. Let us praise you as we’re waiting. Let us lift your name up today even when we’re cold. Thank you, for always being there to help clean us up!